Vonnie's breast augmentation journal
My name is Yvonne. I am a 38 year old mother of 2 nearly grown
children, ages 18 and 20. I have always been very body conscious. When I was in junior
high school, I became aware of my body and the slow pace at which it was developing. I
also became aware of what I perceived as the "perfect body" and the fact that in
order to achieve this I would have to diet and really work at it. I spent many years
looking through the fashion magazines and wishing I too could look the way those models
did with their curvaceous bodies (this was before the waif-like look was popular).
I finally came to the realization that no matter how much dieting
and exercise I did, I would never have the womanly curves of the supermodels. I accepted
this after several unhappy high school years of hiding while dressing in front of others
and always using the private showers reserved for girls during their menses. I began a
sort of self make-over in which I decided I would work with what I had. I began to pay
more attention to my clothing and made sure that my outward appearance would present the
confidence that I didn't have inside. When I started getting compliments on my appearance,
it gave me the self confidence to become more social, though I still suffered terribly
inside with what I perceived as a less than perfect body.
I married and started having children young. My first child was born
when I was 18 years old. When I was pregnant I finally was able to know what it was like
to have full breasts. It was a wonderful, womanly feeling. I breast fed my daughter for 9
months. When I had to be away, I would pump my breasts to keep the milk flow up. When I
had my son 2 1/2 years later, I breast fed him for over 6 months as well. After I stopped
breastfeeding, my body began to return to its former self, however the breastfeeding had
taken its toll. I had formally been a 34B (with help from padded bras) but now my breasts
looked empty and deflated. There was never much tissue, but due to the heavy milk flow the
skin had been stretched to a 36D and now they looked like near empty water balloons.
I would NEVER change my decision to breastfeed my babies. It was a
beautiful and wonderful time of bonding that I can't imagine not having, as well as the
health benefits it had given to them. But, I was still the body conscious and vain person
that I had always been, and now more than ever, I suffered with feelings of feminine
inadequacy. I started hiding when dressing in front of my husband. I could never
completely let myself go during lovemaking because I was always aware of how my breasts
might look in this position or that one. I didn't want to share my feelings with my
husband because I didn't want to bring attention to something I was already hiding from.
Talking about it would just give validation to it. This went on for years. I became a pro
at finding excuses for not undressing or being in a bikini around others. I also had a
knack with clothes that would bring attention to my better qualities.
